Journal of A Stupid Man

Disaat gema takbir berkumandang, ditemani CD Clay Aiken – A Thousand Different Ways yg baru aja gw beli di Disc Tarra, barusan aja pas nganterin nyokap buat belanja ke Giant *heran deh, jam 8 malem tiba2 minta dianterin buat beli buah doang hehehe* Gw mo mencoba ngeluarin semuanya nih lewat tulisan ini. Dalam keadaan kamar redup dan hanya cahaya monitor yg menerangi kamar, mengalun lagu2 yg sebagian besar udh gw kenal *aduh Ad@@@@@m, nggak banget sih lo man =))*. By the way gokil abis deh track list-nya. Almost cover version semua sih, cuma with Mr. Aiken’s style *nancep nancep deh ke hati hehehe*

1. Right Here Waiting
2. Lonely No More
3. Without You
4. Everytime You Go Away
5. Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word
6. When I See You Smile
7. A Thousand Days
8. Everything I Do (I Do It For You)
9. Because You Loved Me
10. I Want To Know What Love Is (featuring Suzie McNeil/Rockstar: INXS)
11. These Open Arms
12. Here You Come Again
13. Everything I Have (featuring William Joseph)
14. Broken Wings

Gak tau kok dapet banget vibe-nya ama kondisi gw sekarang *halah… sok nyocok2in loh Dam* Just don’t know with the feeling deep down inside, semestinya gw seneng that everything is already back to normal. Well it all started when I called her a week ago, and asked her to break the fast together at Tamini Square sabtu kemarin *sempet ketemu ama si Vicky, sepupu gw yg lg ama ceweknya pas mau parkir motor hehehe, pasti bakalan abis tuh anak dicengin ama paman2 gw yg gila2 abis klo gw certain Lebaran besok wakakakakakakak* setelah kita lost of contact for about 8 months. All because of me. Semuanya terjadi karena keegoisan gw, kekecewaan ama keadaan yg gak sesuai dengan yg gw harapkan sebelumnya tapi akhirnya gw sadar tuh, klo sikap yg gw ambil tuh gak bener banget. Bener2 gak beneeeeer banget. It really shows my unmaturity in handling this sort of condition. Either way, I felt totally relieved after the previous meeting and forgiveness that she has given to me. Though, at the same time…… today, the atmosphere of sadness, disappointed, mellowness, broken-hearted, sorrow ness, cheesiness, and the other feelings that resemble to the previous words elaborated in one sort of condition which is……… undefined *seriously Dam, change the f**kin CD, it could kill you man*. Gak bisa tuh, abisnya CD ini….. yah guiltiest pleasure gw kali ye hehehe. Bukan karena gw kecewa ama keputusan yg udah gw buat seminggu kebelakang dengan menghubungi dia lg, bukan, bener2 bukan. Mungkin, perasaan takut gw aja kali yah, bahwa suatu hari nanti gw tuh harus siap klo bakal kehilangan dia. That’s the thing that I’m afraid of. Because, I’m sure, I can’t just simply exclude her picture out of my mind that easily. It really proven during the past few months. Walaupun 8 bulan kebelakang gw mencari kesibukan apapun, just trying to forget of everything that had happened throughout the months behind, in the end, I just can’t stop thinking bout her.

Sabtu kemarin kita janjian di Solaria, bersyukur banget dia masih mau ketemu ama gw. One thing for sure, She didn’t change a bit. Still as gorgeous, attractive, beautiful, and smart, with those pair of remarkable eyes that amazed me as many meetings before including the last meeting on February at her campus. We talked bout everything. Bout her research, friends, current activities, family, what I’ve missed during the past months and many things. Gw juga gak lupa untuk minta maaf atas sikap gw kebelakang dimana gw tau klo dia kmrn sempet sakit tapi gw gak ngerespon apa2, gw tau dia ultah tapi gw gak ngucapin apa2, gw tau klo dia lg online di Y!M tp gw gak pernah chat ama dia, gw tau klo dia masih sering main ke blog gw tapi gw gak pernah berkunjung balik n ninggalin jejak di blog dia walaupun to be honest, gw selalu meluangkan waktu gw untuk selalu baca tulisan2 dia, hanya untuk tau apa aja yg udah dia lewatin di waktu kebelakang *cupu banget kan gw*. Damned, whats got in to me???? Nevertheless, gw bersyukur banget dia masih mau maafin gw atas ke-alpaan yg gw lakuin kemarin. Janji gw untuk gak berubah selepas apa yg terjadi di Buzz, Pondok Indah setahun yg lalu, harus gw tepatin. Hope, this experience would help me to become a better person in the future. But one thing for sure, just want to let you know that…….. the feeling deep down inside, still remains the same……….

Thank you for Mr. Aiken on the mix, for the inspiring album that resembles to this entry. Hope that tomorrow’s Idul Fitri moment will bring me back to reality and consciousness, and stop dreaming of something that…… I could never reach up to…….. ups… NO……… I should try even more harder, because every person got to fight for their right on what they have belief on, and of course, I know on what I have believed in my mind. Either in the past, present and also the future.

"We are in this life together, even when one moves without the other. Different pages from the same story. This aching is familiar. It’s something I remember. We can’t touch without feeling. Can’t heal without healing. Only the young could fall so hard. Could be so careless and ignore the scars. So we will move out of the way this time, making room for each other, one without the other. We are broken, but we are moving still. A thousand different ways." (– Erin Taylor)

Minal Aidin Walfaizin, Mohon Maaf Lahir dan Batin

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

What have I got to do to make you love me
What have I got to do to make you care
What do I do when lightning strikes me
And I wake to find that you're not there

What do I do to make you want me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I say when it's all over
And sorry seems to be the hardest word

It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word

What do I do to make you love me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I do when lightning strikes me
What have I got to do
What have I got to do
When sorry seems to be the hardest word

Without You

No I can’t forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that’s just the way
The story goes
You always smile but in your eyes
Your sorrow shows
Yes it shows

No I can’t forget tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrow
When I had you there
But then I let you go
And now it’s only fair
That I should let you know
What you should know

I can’t live
If living is without you
I can’t live
I can’t give anymore
I can’t live
If living is without you
I can’t give
I can’t give anymore

Well I can’t forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that’s just the way
The story goes
You always smile but in your eyes
Your sorrow shows
Yes it shows

I can’t live
If living is without you
I can’t live
I can’t give anymore
I can’t live
If living is without you
I can’t give
I can’t give anymore


Right Here Waiting

Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesnt stop the pain

If I see you next to never
How can we say forever

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I cant get near you now

Oh, cant you see it baby
Youve got me going crazy

Repeat chorus

I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if Im with you
Ill take the chance

Oh, cant you see it baby
Youve got me going crazy

Repeat chorus